I started this post almost a year ago – I found it today in the dredges of my laptop – a stark reminder of how things can change so drastically yet, in many ways, remain poignantly the same. The lesson in humility is not lost here.
By all accounts I have had a good year; a lot has changed. I am learning, and settling in to my new life – I’ve started dating again and am in a fun, new relationship. My kids are doing well – we’re doing life together in a magnificent way.
But still, I’m a little stuck. Mostly with my writing – specifically, what this blog will be when it grows up.
I met with a mentor who asked if I was having trouble with control – and letting go.
Ha! Of course, I am.
Because that is what I do – when I’m at a loss for direction or full understanding, I try to control my way out of – or through – or around it. This coping mechanism served me well during my time of survival – but has very little use now that I wish to move to a higher level of consciousness.
Taking control of things stunts the growth process of creative thinking – be it problem solving, or writing, or loving, or creating of any kind. I have been desperately trying to work my way out of this rut – to no avail. Because instead of letting go and allowing the process to take over, I’ve been trying in vain to control it.
I’m preventing the very thing I’m hoping to achieve.
It’s my natural go to when I’m feeling insecure and vulnerable about something. I first, try to control it.
And so, this post… written almost a year ago – different circumstance, same issue. Because my stuff is my stuff, and that’s ok. I’m becoming well-versed in the art of loving and accepting me.
I had the pleasure of welcoming 2017 with the company of a few of my favorite people. The idea was a quiet evening at home with some good friends, good food and maybe a great movie. Instead, we watched no movies but sat around and talked all night – then it was midnight and we were all, ‘oh Happy New Year.’
Back then, there were areas in my life that weren’t making much forward progress. Especially concerning relationships. I wanted to give up – because sometimes you want to give up. My friend suggested that instead of giving up, I surrender.
This is why you need a tribe on your growth path. To remind you of the hard truths that are sometimes forgotten.
I have this terrible habit of trying to control things to make them go my way.
The same issues in two different instances almost a year apart.
Once again, the issue begins and ends with me. It is time for me to surrender.
Surrender is a choice to alter your way of thinking. And it takes practice. Don’t be lured into the trap of thinking you’ve surrendered something just because you’ve said you would.
Here’s what I do to help in the process of surrender:
Start small: Focus on one issue at a time. If I’m trying to surrender too many things at once, I can make myself crazy.
Actively surrender every day: When I feel the urge to control, change, alter, manipulate, anything beyond myself, I choose to let go of that one, small thing instead. I do this one chance, one circumstance at a time to the best of my ability.
For me, surrender is an everyday (every minute?) process –otherwise my control demons run amuck.
Remind and activate: There are a few things that work. The serenity prayer works, or stating that all is well in the universe, or simply reminding yourself that you are safe and well, and that everything is going to be ok. Get people around you who can remind you of this too.
Most importantly, I give myself grace to not do all this right – not do it perfectly. Because all is well 😊
What should you surrender today?