It was the end of the line. She found herself in an impossible situation and everything had to change. All of it. Every single bit. Some of this was caused by her own mistakes some by the mistakes of others but it didn’t matter because it was all impacting her; and now she was the one who had to make the tough decisions.
One -by- one her friends began to fade away, distancing themselves from a nasty situation for fear that some of her misfortune rub off.
She's trying not to beat herself up; she's in a continual spiral of questions that start in her head before making their way to her heart and finally settling into the pit of her stomach. I could have, I would have, I should have…and the eventual, what if?
There will be plenty lined up to do the beating of course when their turn comes. ‘did you hear?' 'I would never.' ‘If it were me.‘, are all mantras to be whispered in the hallways of churches and schools for months to come. The simple-minded always display their simplicity. Always.
But they have not walked in her shoes. They have not lived her life and they don’t know her pain.
I call my friend – I tell her I’m sorry for what has happened in her life. I tell her I’m for her. I can hear her relief on the other end. She says she’s received many attempts in communication that are focused more on the gossip than her wellbeing.
I am for you. Four simple words that can change the world.
I am for you says I see you and I believe in you as a person. In your growth, in your story, and I am here standing. That's all - just standing so you know you're not alone.
I am for you says I will not enable you but I will be here while you sort things out for yourself.
I am for you means I will let you create your victories and make your mistakes without interference and without judgement.
I am for you is mostly ears and very little mouth.
For so many of us approval equals love. Those in our life who should have loved us unconditionally didn't. Instead they chose to extend love only when certain conditions were met. We love our spouses this way, and our friends, we raise our kids this way - and it is an epidemic that is killing our souls. When someone loves you with condition, you have no choice but to put your true self in hiding. And without your true self, there can be no authentic relationship.
Indeed, if we all just had one other person in this world who was truly for us – without the interference of their own personal agendas and judgements, it would make for a better us and a better world.
Can you be that person today?
I hope to think so, yes. I think that’s what real love looks like.
Here’s to making it great.