Finding Yourself After Divorce

It’s hard going from being a part of a couple to being single. Even if you know it’s what’s best. Even if being uncoupled is what you want. When I got divorced, I found I’d lost myself in my marriage. This happens to many of us who were in a state of uncontrollable dysfunction. We lose ourselves for the sake of the union.

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If you are in the process of getting divorced, or considering divorce, it is a very vulnerable time for you. I remember that time. I could hardly tell you what I liked and what I didn’t like. I had to find myself again.

Worse, I wasn’t sure it was worth it to put time, energy, and money into something that was just for me. I had to believe I was worthy again. Because I was, and you are too.

 There are two ways you can go while in transition.

You can run and hide – drinking, sex w/ the wrong people, busy-ness, a new relationship that is too soon and not with the right person, etc. If you are running, that’s ok (I still love ya). We all run sometimes. Running is a great way to avoid the real pain you’re in. But running can’t last forever.

Or, take the time to re-discover who you really are… who you want to be. Remember, this is your second chance at a new life.

Let me tell you, you are worth it – every minute – every penny – every ounce of energy. Every painful step of self-reflection.

Here are three things I did on a regular basis (and still do) to help rediscover me!

1.       Travel – At first, this was for work. I learned to eat by myself, sightsee, navigate without the help of a companion. Travel for work has stopped (for the moment) but I still love to get away when I can – just alone. Even if it’s a quick day trip. I’d recommend making a list of places close to you and go from there. It’s truly wonderful what you learn about yourself when you’re out of your own element.

2.       Reading – Because if you can’t travel, you read. Fiction, non-fiction, self-help. It’s all good. Books are a great place to learn about yourself and the world around you. Don’t ever stop reading.

3.       Writing/Journaling – Which turned into what you’re reading now. Finding a hobby, something constructive to work on when you’re assembling your ‘new normal’ is essential. It doesn’t have to be a forever thing – but who knows? It might just lead you to your destiny!

Here’s to rediscovering you! Make it great today everyone.