Love and death and waiting and new life. It is the Easter season. I think a lot about these things during this time of year and as such have found myself in a state of melancholy over the past few days.
There has been death – both around me and in me. I am in a transition, another shift of my being. This fills me with excitement and a little disappointment – as I always envisioned my next new thing being dovetailed into a new relationship.
But sometimes the change that needs to happen within you comes in ways you least expect. That’s when you know you’re on to something good.
Sometimes you must let things die for new life to begin. I am letting old parts of me die. Old patterns of thinking, patterns of behavior that don’t serve me any longer and will not take me where I want to go.
Specifically, I’m giving up sacrificing myself for the sake of someone else’s comfort. I am no longer willing to suppress the way others have hurt me to keep the peace. I am no longer willing to hand over little bits of my soul for another’s pleasure and convenience. Standing up has been hard. For me, for those around me. But this simply cannot wait any longer, for there are parts of me that must be resurrected.
I am carefully collecting the pieces I’ve been giving away for so long, bringing them back to their rightful owner. And while this important work is being done. I wait.
So, the waiting.
In the process between death and new life, there is the waiting. It is the hardest part. The waiting is messy because you don’t know and uncertainty can look ugly. This is the part where it is so easy to hurt others out of our own pain and suffering. We're feeling uncertain and we want someone, anyone to take on some of that pain we feel when we can't control.
It’s easy to let insecurity make you crazy during the waiting.
We can learn to sit in the uncertainty. Becoming stronger and more secure within ourselves as we allow things to work themselves out. This requires some discipline and a lot of letting go of expectations around ourselves, around others, around the outcomes we think we need to be ok.
While I wait, there is love. Executed to the best of my ability for myself, for those around me. Sometimes this love looks like speaking up. Sometimes it looks like sitting and staring at a wall. Sometimes it looks like going to the gym or working or writing or whatever makes me sane. But it doesn’t look like lashing out – blaming - shaming because I feel insecure. I am better than that, love is better than that.
When you’re on the journey, growth will come in many iterations. The death, the wait, the new will be experienced in countless iterations if you’re lucky.
Can you embrace your resurrection moments?
Happy Easter everyone –
Let’s make it great.