There is no question that divorce is an emotional process. Sometimes it feels like your emotions can change in an instant from anger to pain, to even brief moments of joy. While it is important to experience and acknowledge all of our feelings, we must remember the importance of how we choose to act based on those feelings.
I once was taught that most anger covers raw pain. Think about that for a moment…
Sometimes anger is easier to feel than pain.
For me, anger lulls shame, invokes control, and ultimately makes me feel as if I'm coming from a place of power instead of falling victim to my circumstances and feelings.
While this sounds logical internally, through trial-and-error, I have found that anger ultimately only leads to bitterness and resentment. Of course, we may feel angry in the moment, and most of us have every right to feel validated in that anger. But then we have to decide what to do with that anger. Are we going to release it through a healthy outlet? Or will we push it down and hold onto it? When anger is stored away, it can sometimes come back and take the physical form of lashing out at others who have nothing to do with the source of our anger - this can even lead to a form of self-hatred!
While we must give ourselves plenty of grace and love during this process and acknowledge our feelings as they arise, we also get the opportunity to be in charge of our reactions.
Although your anger may be valid, try to express it in a way that honors your values and needs. Anger can be expressed through exercise, creative outlets–such as writing and painting–or by confiding in a support group where others have similar feelings and experiences.
While you are going through this process be aware of your feelings but do not let them overtake and define you!
This post was based on a poem by Meghan.
Bitterness is a sour plague
The more you embrace the more you fade.
Distorting yourself to fit the new you
Defending your heart by becoming subdued
Hoping that, by some act of God, your anger will connect
With your betrayer and make them inept.
You tasteless enemy you beat my game
And left me alone with only disdain
The pain clouds my mind in a thick fog
To write you off makes me feel robbed
Robbed of my entitlement causing much shame
You’re the one that deserves all the blame
Revenge is short and also sweet
But the bitterness that settles will only lead to defeat.
Meghan Mercer is an aspiring writer and poet who lives in Annapolis, MD. To learn more about Meghan, visit her Facebook page here.