Do you know how to stand up for yourself? When I was in the throes of therapy, I learned an important phrase – ‘say what you mean, but don’t say it mean.’ I was really bad at this – like really bad. The reason, I had no practice and not a lot of good modeling. I literally had no idea how to state my needs directly, concisely and without apology. I also didn’t have an inner belief that my needs were important.
Most of us struggle with this, I think. We’re good at demand. We’re good at denying our needs, and we’re good at passive aggressive behavior that leaves everyone in our path guessing as to the best way to make us happy. (Other people can’t make you happy, btw)
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In the early stages of my married life, I utilized the kitchen cabinet form of communication. What’s that, you say? Basically, it was a method in which my husband was supposed to guess how angry I was based on the amount of force it took me to close the kitchen cabinet. There was no real communication.
Thankfully, I have grown out of that.
As you grow and begin to know more about yourself and what you want – what you don’t want, you might have to tell people no. No is OK. You have a right to say no. It’s ok to say no and nothing more. The people who love you and are for you will want you to be honest w/ them. And will take your no for an answer…
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Let’s make it great.