It was about 6 months ago. I decided I wanted to focus a bit more on my writing. Besides this blog, I had yet to take on a personal writing project.
I think in words – filtering almost every experience through the grid of how I would string letters together to create something meaningful to describe it.
How would this scenario play out?
What would this person do?
I did what any aspiring writer would do in my situation, and Googled local writing groups – I hoped to find something near me, and people – to help me in my new endeavor. I found several that fit the bill, arriving on a Tuesday evening clad in my standard jeans and T-shirt – yes high heels are required uniform for me– just to give you a picture.
As per my usual ‘ish’ time, I arrived a few minutes late. The group was starting with the introductions –
Hi – I’m Sara
Hi Sara, and what type of writing are you working on? Erotica I presume?
No, actually I write about women’s issues and helping them be free from the emotional chains that hold them back. I have a blog currently, and I’m also writing a book about how to survive divorce.
The room gulped a little as I ignored the innuendo – for it is my duty not of offend. I’ve been trained well to minimize the bad behavior of men (and women) in public situations so I don’t embarrass them.
God forbid people be held accountable for what they do and say.
I used to play down how I looked and how I dressed to not attract attention to myself and to make others feel better about themselves – to not stir the pot.
But I’ve come to realize that others’ reaction to me has very little to do with me – and much more to do with what’s going on in them.
I’ve learned, it’s easier to just be me and let the chips fall where they may.
There is one thing that sets me apart from others – I am completely comfortable in my sexuality.
This does not mean I’m hypersexual – not even close. In fact, I’m very (extremely?) particular about who I share that part of my life with. If you value yourself, you should be.
But I am not afraid of sex – and I think a lot of us are.
Your sexuality is vital to the core of your personhood, and I’ve found many feel an extreme sense of shame around sex, and thus, about themselves in general.
I have done my work in this area. I know the ways in which I have experienced sexual harm – and abuse. (This has happened at each of us, mind you) I have processed what I can and have seen how sex has harmed me, helped me, and how it has formed a part of my character and vision of who I am. Because of this, I can fully embrace me without shame and without regret.
In other words, I own my sexuality. The core of who I am. Who I was created to be. And that brings confidence and I think it scares people a little bit. For a fully alive person, of any gender, reminds us of who we’re not. It might even cause us to look inward to that little nudging of wholeness that is dying to come out.
If this is you, perhaps it's time to explore this area of your life.
Don't be afraid to own your sexuality.
Here's to making it great.