I told him it always felt like I was disappointing someone; my employer, my kids, my family, my friends. There just never seemed to be enough of me to go around.
He had asked me to describe the most difficult thing about being a single mom. At the time, I thought that answer was true – but looking back, I think maybe the hardest part about being a single mom – or a mom in general is that it’s easy to lose yourself a little bit. He told me he wished I needed him more. A lot of people in my life say this.
I am a recovering co-dependent. If I’m not careful, I’ll lose myself in my environment. It happens slowly, and it’s not noticed easily - a decision to remain quiet, when I should stand up; a choice to go along to get along because it’s easier. Because it is easier – until it isn’t anymore. Bit by bit, I’ll give little pieces of myself away in silence, unknowing – all the while feeding the lie that it’s no big deal.
Sometimes I have to stop – and remember. Sometimes I need to rediscover who I am.
There is a moment - a moment in time where you were created. Literally, one moment there was no you and then suddenly, there you were. In a moment, the world was changed because you were a part of it. I have to think that means something. I have to believe this means everything.
The only thing you have of any real worth to bring to this world – the only thing you have to bring to any situation is that which was created in that moment. The real you.
I’m not talking about who you are in relation to those around you; for we are mothers, daughters, sisters, employees, and friends. While those roles define who you are to someone else – and while they are important and a part of you – they should not solely define you.
If you can discover your true self and make her the best she can be, your influence on the world can be great. I believe if you know and understand who that person is, you will be a better mother, daughter, sister, employee and friend.
Every day I strive to make the thing I bring the best it can be.
I ask myself, who am I? And who do I want to be in this moment?
When the moments are hard and the days are long-
Who is it I am?
Who do I want to be?
I never get this perfect by the way – it’s a process of growth and discovery. Sometimes I totally suck at it.
If I had a personal mantra, it would go something like this…
I am Sara, warrior and defender of truth. I speak truth and life into situations where most would be afraid. I am an icebreaker and a forerunner. I live in the moment and trust God. I’m enlightened and can see things from beyond my personal perspective and experience. I try not to hurt others, even when I, myself, am hurting. I love people. I take these things and use them to positively influence those who are placed in my life; especially my children, my family, my friends and those in my professional influence.
I find the strength to rediscover who I am, not in toil or outward expression of my thoughts and opinions, but in quiet – in stillness – in rest.
…for there is nothing more powerful than knowing who you are, how you connect to the universe and what you bring to this world.
Here’s to making it great.