Love

Confessions from a Privileged White Chick

Confessions from a Privileged White Chick

I have a confession. I used to think I was better than other people. I don’t want to say I was ever a racist, but I might have been. It’s hard not to be when you grow up under the guise of white privilege in the United States.  My confession: I had little understanding for those who were different from me. And I didn’t need to – I never stepped out of my realm of convenience (my bubble).  My life was good. I attributed that goodness to something I had done; but the truth is there is nothing I could have ever done that would explain the level of status to which I was born.

This is a fact of being a white person in America. You believe you’re just a little bit better than everyone else.

Embracing Your Resurrection Moments

Embracing Your Resurrection Moments

Love and death and waiting and new life. It is the Easter season. I think a lot about these things during this time of year and as such have found myself in a state of melancholy over the past few days.

There has been death – both around me and in me. I am in a transition, another shift of my being. This fills me with excitement and a little disappointment – as I always envisioned my next new thing being dovetailed into a new relationship.

But sometimes the change that needs to happen within you comes in ways you least expect. That’s when you know you’re on to something good.

Letting Go of Love

Letting Go of Love

It had been weeks – months even, since I had known -  since I had made the final decision in my heart and my head I guess – but I just couldn’t seem to pull the trigger.

I am highly intuitive – and, even though she wasn’t supposed to have an official opinion, I could tell my therapist’s patience was growing thin.  This was the 3rd – 4th – 5th? time we’d had the same discussion in as many weeks.

My kids, what about my kids?

I didn’t want them to be a product of divorce – this was my top priority – or maybe it was an excuse. An excuse to avoid making the hard decision – the difficult circumstance – it would take me out of my sacred avoidance cycle. The avoidance cycle that was as comfortable as my favorite pair of sweatpants.

I'm For You (The Real Love Story)

I'm For You (The Real Love Story)

It was the end of the line. She found herself in an impossible situation and everything had to change. All of it. Every single bit. Some caused by her own mistakes some by the mistakes of others but it didn’t matter because it was all impacting her; and now she was the one who had to make the tough decisions.

One -by- one her friends began to fade away, distancing themselves from a nasty situation for fear that some of her misfortune rub off.

When Love Doesn’t Look Like Love: My Choice to Stop Enabling

When Love Doesn’t Look Like Love: My Choice to Stop Enabling

I couldn’t do it anymore.

What do you want to do?

I don’t want to pick up his pieces any longer – I don’t want to continue to clean up the mess from his bad decisions. But I also don’t want to hurt him – and I know he’ll be very hurt (and angry) if I stop.

I didn’t think I should knowingly do things that would disappoint my husband, but instead go along to get along. Values that were taught in my family – they were taught in my church, taught in my community. Peacekeeping was valued over peacemaking and real, authentic relationship.

Yes, he will be hurt – and he’ll feel like you’re abandoning him.

Well, aren’t I?

Yes, you will be essentially.

But the real crime was that I abandoned myself many years prior.

What Love Looks Like

What Love Looks Like

The people are protesting. The people are pissed – except for half the people. Half the people are elated. Half the people feel justified. The other half feel scorned. Half the people didn’t even show up.

Sometimes in life, you’re lucky if half the people even show up.

I hate politics. Holding firm to a personal belief that the only way to effect real change is not through government, but through the hearts of the people.

Let’s Love Today…

Let’s Love Today…

“Wow! I loved that Christina Grimmie.” My daughter was giving me her take of the evening’s events as we made our way to the car. “I want her to be my new best friend.”

We all agreed there was something quite special about the talented 22 year old. She had a presence on stage that was open and inviting. I wanted her to be my new best friend too.

I have a friend whose nephews make up the band, Before you Exit – BYE was touring with Christina Grimmie and had a stop at a small venue in Orlando – which made for a great opportunity to support them.
 

Before I Die…

 Before I Die…

It was a dreary day in Asheville, NC when I stumbled across this gem in the middle of downtown. The wall was cleverly concealing a construction area inviting passersby to reflect and write their stories of things they want to do before exiting this earth.

The responses ranged from the basics: travel, see Clemson win a National Championship, etc., to the more personal, ‘marry Tina ‘and ‘tell Lisa I love her.’ Some poor guy expressed direct interest in copulating with as many females as possible. There is one in every crowd I guess…I hope that guy finds what he’s looking for.

​What I Have Learned About Love

​What I Have Learned About Love

Love - the simplest mystery of our existence. The Beatles say it’s all you need; England Dan and John Ford Coley say it’s the answer - God says without it everything else is meaningless.

Wars have been fought over it, whole countries and its citizens brought to their knees over love. 

It is the subject of countless songs and poems – stories and movies. Everyone wants it; Maslow says we all need it.

Why Staying Together for the Kids Is Such a Bad Idea…

Why Staying Together for the Kids Is Such a Bad Idea…

We had tried – for three years, we tried. And it wasn’t working – nothing was working. It wasn’t like there was anything wrong with us exactly, except that everything was wrong. We were all screwed up. Royally screwed up.

And so, after three years of therapy, three years of actively working to fix our relationship, it was time to call our 15 years of matrimony quits. Time to do what needed to be done. Except for one thing, we had to tell the kids. I was terrified – I’m talking shaking, throwing up terrified.  The plan was to tell them together, neither of us blaming the other, which I’m told is the best way – but the truth is there can be no best way for something like this. It is like a horrific train wreck any way you slice it. I hope I never experience another night as terrible as the night I told my children their parents were getting a divorce.

The Moments that Change your Life Forever

The Moments that Change your Life Forever

Would who she was really be enough? There was no magic to help her this time. This is perhaps the greatest risk any of us will ever take – to be seen as we truly are.”
– Cinderella (2015)

I’m not one for fairy tales necessarily.  But this version of the classic took my breath away.  In the latest adaptation of Cinderella, the heroine is the true picture of courage and vulnerability. She loves when no one is loving her – she is not afraid to show herself in what most would consider to be her weakest state.