Relationship

Can’t, Won’t, and Not Willing

Can’t, Won’t, and Not Willing

She wanted to quit her job. The work was ok she guessed, but the management was oppressive, and she wasn’t getting the opportunities and benefits she deserved. She was worth more, and if they couldn’t see it, then she would find a place that could.

I’m in Las Vegas this weekend. I’m here quite a bit lately, and as a girl who gave up drinking and doesn’t gamble, this is not necessarily an ideal destination. I am a seeker of peace and tranquility, it’s a stretch for me to hang here; but this season has served as a great place to watch and to observe some of my fellow humans. Plus, being here has given me the opportunity to nurture a budding relationship that has more merit than anything since my divorce. So, it’s what I’ve chosen right now.

Why Dealing with Your Pain Will Save Your Life

Why Dealing with Your Pain Will Save Your Life

Sometimes people aren't very nice. Or rather they're not considerate and intentional with their words and the implications of such. 

People are hurting. And hurt people hurt people.

It really is that simple. 

How many tears have I cried over these things? How many have a held back?  Stoic -  as they begin to eat me alive from the inside out. 

Three Things the Women in Your Life Need (But Won’t Tell You)

Three Things the Women in Your Life Need (But Won’t Tell You)

Last week, I wrote about Why Your Wife is So Mad. I’ll be honest, it irritated some people (and it wasn’t your wife). It was called feminist BS, among other things. Funny, as I’ve never really considered myself a feminist necessarily. Meaning, I’m not pro-female as much as I’m pro-people and pro- healthy relationships. And pro- deal with your stuff so you can be a better human -kind of gal.  So, if that makes me a feminist bullshitter, then um, ok I guess. 

But I digress:

Surviving the Bitterness of Divorce (Guest Post by Meghan Mercer)

Surviving the Bitterness of Divorce (Guest Post by Meghan Mercer)

There is no question that divorce is an emotional process. Sometimes it feels like your emotions can change in an instant from anger to pain to even brief moments of joy. While it is important to experience and acknowledge all of our feelings, we must remember the importance of how we choose to act based on those feelings.

I once was taught that most anger is a cover of raw pain. Think about that for a moment… Sometimes anger is easier to feel than pain. To me, anger lulls shame, invokes control, and ultimately makes me feel as if I'm coming from a place of power instead of falling victim to my circumstances and feelings.

The Lies We Believe: Love = Acceptance

The Lies We Believe: Love = Acceptance

Last week we talked about the lie of control and how holding on and attempting to take over is how we push away the very thing that is meant for us.

This week, we’ll skim the surface about love and acceptance. Because, you know, I’m keeping it light.

I have always been fascinated by love. Romantic love, the love we have for our children, our pets – the things we love – the love of a higher power - all of it.

What is love?

The Art of Keeping up Appearances: and How I Became a Prostitute in My Own Marriage

The Art of Keeping up Appearances: and How I Became a Prostitute in My Own Marriage

“Smoke and mirrors, baby. Smmmoke and mirrors.” We were discussing the art of keeping up appearances and those who contrive to live the perfect life.

Huge houses, new cars, extravagant vacations with no real money in the bank.  Picture perfect holiday cards while chaos, abuse, and broken relationships dominate the family dynamic. Obtaining the latest gadget for the sake of acquisition without consideration of its actual need and usefulness.

Bigger, newer, faster – often digs another layer in the hole of our discontent. Because everybody knows these things can’t make you happy. Yet, we all try and see if they will.

I get it, I am that person – or I was that person. To some extent, we are all that person. 

​Saying Goodbye to Your Soulmate.

​Saying Goodbye to Your Soulmate.

We were made for each other – some say the perfect pair.

I loved you from the start, of course, but as our relationship grew I knew - everyone could see- that you were the one. Together, we were flawless. When we walked into a room, heads turned. The women wanted to be us – the men, well; you could tell what they were thinking...

​What I Have Learned About Love

​What I Have Learned About Love

Love - the simplest mystery of our existence. The Beatles say it’s all you need; England Dan and John Ford Coley say it’s the answer - God says without it everything else is meaningless.

Wars have been fought over it, whole countries and its citizens brought to their knees over love. 

It is the subject of countless songs and poems – stories and movies. Everyone wants it; Maslow says we all need it.

Why Staying Together for the Kids Is Such a Bad Idea…

Why Staying Together for the Kids Is Such a Bad Idea…

We had tried – for three years, we tried. And it wasn’t working – nothing was working. It wasn’t like there was anything wrong with us exactly, except that everything was wrong. We were all screwed up. Royally screwed up.

And so, after three years of therapy, three years of actively working to fix our relationship, it was time to call our 15 years of matrimony quits. Time to do what needed to be done. Except for one thing, we had to tell the kids. I was terrified – I’m talking shaking, throwing up terrified.  The plan was to tell them together, neither of us blaming the other, which I’m told is the best way – but the truth is there can be no best way for something like this. It is like a horrific train wreck any way you slice it. I hope I never experience another night as terrible as the night I told my children their parents were getting a divorce.