Some days in life -- some moments in time are forever etched in your memory, stamped on your brain like a polaroid set there to revisit time and time again … sometimes, those moment are centered around unique experiences and fun. But more often than not, they come as defining moments – the ones that aren’t triggered necessarily by a joyous occasion, but instead a drop of life that hits you and changes you forever.
It had been a long day. Fatigue was wearing on all of us as we stumbled through the marathon of the typical suburban Saturday. Lessons, baseball, play practices, hair appointments, gym appointments, laundry and shopping – the list seemed endless. There was an issue with my son – in that he simply could not ‘remember’ to put his laundry away in spite of my incessant pleading.
The three of us were just sitting there staring at each other. An awkward silence filled the small 12x12 room. The therapist’s office – we’d been there a million times, but this time was different. This time was the beginning of the end. We had just decided – I had just told him – Divorce, I didn’t want to do this anymore – couldn’t do it anymore. He agreed, I think. It’s hard to say, we were both a little in shock.
I got the call today - a text actually, which of course is worse. The guy I count on, the one who takes care of things for me, the one who helps me deal with life's challenging issues is leaving. This guy is always there - and never creates problems for me, only solutions. Until today.
I was losing her. Standing there, staring off, I knew. I knew I had nothing more to give - nothing left, my bag of tricks was totally empty.
You enter into this thing called motherhood and it's like a piece of you is now living outside of your body. There's a fierceness about it: to love, to protect. It's a fierceness that changes you forever - sometimes for the good. Hopefully, for the good. If you mess with me, I will deal with you, but if you mess with my kids, you very well might end up dead. I am not a violent person by nature, but this is where my instinctual mother's heart goes. Being a mother will absolutely bring you to your knees - over and over again.
Some days there just aren't enough coffee and concealer. Thus is the plight of the single mom. Besides employers and kids who need you – the crazy of family, bills, dogs with fleas, and just life in general is enough turn even the likes of June Cleaver into something straight out of Mommy Dearest. These are the days where, just when you think you can't possibly take on any more, someone throws up…Usually on your favorite pair of shoes. Then you get your period.