I Spent a Weekend at Kripalu and Met Glennon Doyle
Glennon Doyle just did a featured weekend at Kripalu, and I signed up about a minute after the registration opened. I went with some expectation, admittedly, but was surprised when I found my biggest lesson outside of her scheduled talk.
If you don’t know, which I didn’t until I moved to this area of the country, Kripalu is a yoga retreat center. You can opt for a specific program (like I did) or simply take a few days of R&R. They house you, they feed you, and they offer yoga sessions. I’m not really a yoga person - I’m not against yoga, per se, but I’m not totally into it either.
So, I didn’t do any yoga except for the chair yoga that was required in the meeting sessions (I mean, I’m not going to just stand there while everyone else is doing it, right??)
AND the dance yoga that was offered at noon one day, which was highly encouraged - so that you know, I don’t dance either…here’s why.
When I was in middle school, I went to my friend Shannon’s birthday party, and Brett L. told me I was a terrible dancer. Now, in Brett’s defense, he wasn’t wrong and he wasn’t mean about it, really, when he said it - but as we were all out in the backyard bopping our heads and bodies back and forth (very 80s), I looked around and noticed the rest of the gang seemed a lot more coordinated in their moves than I was. Then, poor Brett started bopping his way over to me. I got really nervous and said to him, ‘Yeah, I don’t think I’m a very good dancer.’ And he agreed, I was not.
Thus, the end of my dancing career. I’m working on it. Well, I’m not actually working on it, but it feels like that’s what I should tell you.
The point is, embodiment can be challenging for me, okay?
But that’s not what I wanted to talk to you about today. What I wanted to talk to you about is maybe the best tool I learned at Kripalu that actually helps end the patterns of shame, blame, and judgment I (and maybe you) seem to get into on the reg, and that’s BRFWA (pronounced, Br-if-wa).
I get that this might be the worst acronym in the existence of acronyms, but stick with me here.
This is what BRFWA stands for:
Breathe
Relax
Feel
Watch
Allow
And it’s a tool you can use when you find yourself in the patterns of shame, blame, judgment, triggers, or whatever.
The highest form of spiritual practice is self-observation without judgment.
Honestly, the above quote is so simple, but the minute I heard it, I knew it was for me. How much do we judge ourselves mercilessly for what we’re thinking and feeling? This has been a great source of suffering for me.
When you shift from identifying with your pain to being the compassion that holds the pain, everything changes
Here’s why BRFWA works:
What happens when we witness something that we don’t like or feel uncomfortable with?
We close off.
We shut down.
We tighten up.
We identify with the pain, and it creates chaos in our bodies and beings, something I like to call the ‘spin cycle’.
In essence, we hold on to that discomfort, trying to make it make sense or prove our ‘rightness’ by blaming, shaming, or judging - either the ‘other’ or our own feelings or thoughts.
It’s their fault.
I am right and they are wrong.
It’s not ok to feel this way.
But with BRFWA, that can change.
Important note: You don’t have to agree with what is happening or believe it is a good idea to employ this practice effectively.
The next time something activates the spin cycle inside you:
Breathe - Stop and breathe. Even one deep breath can help shift your energy and focus.
Relax - Check your body. What feels tight? What feels constricted? Where are you holding on?
Feel - What emotions are coming up for you? Don’t edit this; there are no bad feelings. Quietly name them, or even better, write them down.
Watch - Be the gentle observer in this story. What do you see?
Allow - Can you allow what’s true to be true? Even your own feelings and thoughts?
It’s ok to allow what is true to be true - revolutionary. I know. This is the type of embodiment I can fully get behind.
I’m doing my best to apply BRFWA today—and hopefully in the days to come. It’s helping around politics, family dynamics, and my own internal dialogue. What if we made this a way of life - our way of being? I think it could change the world.
